Sometimes I sit down and wonder if I really have friends or just a bunch of associates who just hang around for our mutual benefit. The dictionary defines Friend asa person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations. But from my own perspective I don't think the contemporary world sees friendship like that or is it fact that I just want more, am not satisfied with our interpretation of friendship or rather I just have a bunch of associates who are there for whatever they benefit like I said earlier. Well who am I, it's just the opinion of one person even though majority would resonate with this statement.

Most times I begin to wonder, about what being friends really implies, does it include the inclination to be in contact with one particular individual or with everybody whom we regard as friends, even though many a time that inclination is often accompanied by feelings which we fail to see or decide to maintain a blind eye for reasons which atleast makes us sleep at night. The younger generation would literally call that "Catching feelings for that individual". Maybe my own definition of being friends is should I say obsolete which requires an equal discharge of attention, I won't like to even associate it with dating in 2016 because lately we date because we are super lonely and we don't want to be lonely again and also because we crave for sex and in the African setting we don't want to labelled as that bad egg that patronizes sex workers.

Back in the days when we had just the postal agencies and writing of letters as a way of keeping in contacts with friends, I would say the word friendship was really more honourable, then you would exchange dozens of letters with your friends and it was really sweet seeing a stockpile of those letters. Ah who says those days weren't the best, don't be mistaken I wasn't born in the 60's, 70's and 80's am a 90's kid who didn't really wait too long to catch up with tech, but I really enjoy the ethics of the good old days. Lately with all the tech and all that our so called can't even check on us even with the free texting, that's brings me to what I decided to call the "Priority List". If you notice or you haven't noticed, there are some people whom if you don't contact for like two weeks or more, they won't even contact you unless they need something from you, I won't really classify that category of people as close friends, I prefer the name "Seasonal Friends" which unfortunately if we check our friendlist, it's full of our Seasonal Friends. So my dearest friend, what type of friend are you?

PS: There are no parameters to measure friendship, I think it's a thing nurtured in our hearts.

The winner of the giveaway is Emmanuel

Mmmmmh, Dear readers, it is called season of love and not season of making love. And you sister wey dey spread leg anyhow, you be rumour dem dy spread abi? How are you even sure you are the Main chick.

That brother, Yes!! Yes You!!, you know ya self, last falantine you bought her iphone 6, this year you are buying iphone 6s plus, you never pay your school fees, your parents sell land plus including borrowing of money to make up your school fees and u are using it to do love, May your ancestors forgive you and curse you IJN. Shebi after giving her the iphone 6s plus, she just give one 30 secs kisss, plus one 45 degrees hug and when you want to go down via the coveted coblalamine pathway every guy who bought falatine gift would like to enjoy today.....She will just tell you..Baby am on my period. My brother if you experience that today, just know that the ancestral spirits are angry with you.

Ehe bros, you’ve promised to buy an Mbano Island for that girl, to take her shopping at Dubai near Orile, and your mother have not eaten even one single Aba Titus fish from you, I shake my head three times for you. When the Lord shall come, all those expenses you incurred in the secret shall be made open. I’m just wondering what you will come back as if the Senate in heaven passes this Bill of Reincarnation. I hope you know you will come back as Goat!!!

Ehe Oga Titus, You’ve lined out 5 side chicks in addition to your main girlfriend abi? Chai, I just pity you. The day your side chicks will remember you, you will know that “because cat sabi swim no make am cat fish”. They will make your life so miserable and even play your Father and marry your Fore Father just to be your Step Fore-Mother. Mind yourself o, Naija no be Eritrea. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Ehe Sister, you send nude pictures to that bros abi? I just don’t know how to rate your Romantic approach whether on the scale of being wise or not having sense. Your mates are breaking the internet with their nudes and making money and you are sending nudes to somebody at Oshodi who will end up sharing it with his friends at Egbeda. You think guys are selfish like you who share your nude with only one guy? Mtcheeewwww. Channel you nude picture to something productive, there is nude modelling anyway since you want to be the Eve of your village.

Ehe sister, you share your kpekus to every guy in your neighborhood and you still say you want a spiritual man, a man who is spirit filled. I hope you know Spirit Husband and Native Doctors are available too. Well to increase your worth, change your location. After all ashawo na virgin for new street. Keep enjoying.

Lols, guys, valentine shouldn’t be the only day to show love, but still show love to someone and make it worthwhile. You can email your valentine hangout story to us at ebubefavour8@gmail.com (Major Boobs) or chiemelasteve@gmail.com.  

Thanks for stopping by to read. Keep smiling and shining.

We are wishing you the best of the day.

Major Boobs x Ice

And our fourth biochemical writer is one beautiful, smart young lady sought after by all and sundry....Hehehehe I see someone smirking, let me catch u first, She is very good with her figurative writing, I really hope she exhibited that in this her piece, If not she must write another one for us abi....Hope y'all are supporting this motion. Anyway enough of my half-baked grammar lets go straight to her piece entitled "MAY DAY". Oya let me give you guys small expo, She said she would write about Religion and Medicine.

Today at about 8:45am she rushes in, he's in her arms and she's screaming......
I'm still in my room staring into my screen lazily, grey's anatomy I'm stuck, intrigued.
Still I hear grandma shout the name of the lord, now this draws my attention and so i run, screams directing.

I see a man hold his son, calling the name of the lord "they won't take you away from me!" "they took her but they won't take you away from me" he says choked with agony. Quite immediate I thought.
Now while all these reactions seem quite appropriate at the moment nothing is being done about the child's condition, my uncle thinks its an attack, I certainly don't know what grandma thinks and the other people there are more clueless than I am, so I take my cousin from my uncle and realize he's running a temperature, he's heart rate is increased and he's almost convulsing. 

My diagnosis: Fever
Prescription: Paracetamol
Now the thing is, it needs to be administered par-enterally 300mg. I  ask my uncle to get his meds, its mostly antibiotics which could be useful at the moment but I don't even know the dosage to administer.
I am scared and confused!
In my confused state I administer 250mg of paracetamol.

THE RITUAL
She sprinkles oil on his face,dips her index finger in the bottle and presses it on his chest sketching a cross, oil on canvas, oil on skin...
She picks up a white handkerchief and ties it on his head,and she mutters a prayer...right there I think to myself, its of no use, he could die if he's not given medical attention immediately, at 3 his body just can't deal with it, he'll die!!
Just then I forget there's something bigger,someone bigger, all I believe in now is science, that which I can see.
Medicine, that which I can explain.
Where has my belief gone?
Do I not think he's able anymore?
I realize while taking shaky steps to see what's worse, I do not care. science? religion? Just be well little one
And with my gloves on i push the syringe. 

Oluoma Ali.

I hope you guys enjoyed reading her piece, sorry i forgot to mention, she also has a thing for big big grammar, so i hope she didn't use a lot of big big grammar. 

If am not mistaken this is our third writer, This young man back in our secondary school was my Deputy speaker of the then Student Representative Council.....Hehehe me I was the Clerk of House ooooo. This my hommie recently I have come to know him for his big big grammar, so I indulge you guys to keep your dictionary handy as you read this I would say fashion related piece he entitled "MADNESS TURNS TRENDY".

Quite unusual as it may be, it just dawned on me today that there was no direct correlation

between my mind and willingness to write. The will to write was there but then, the mind that

births the idea of what to write has been caged by the miserable darkness of boredom. ln a bid

of seeking for what next to do, my mind traveled wide through the path of intellectualism

churning out brims of ideas which dramatically was brought to an abrupt halt by the subtle

segregation of mind and will of which creates psychological construct for the possibility of the

'writer's block'. 

After much thought, l decided to surf for what's trendy in the fashion world. l was shocked to

the bones by the trendy fashion of "rag and bones/jean" what l had rather called "madness in

disguise". Describing this jean, some have openings at the knee which makes the knee cap

more vivid and crystal clear than any IMAX, HD, or 3D flim could ever hope to capture. Some

others have openings from the knee cap gearing towards the thigh and halts mid-way to the

abdominal region. Oh my goodness! The designers of such irritating wears should be arrested.

How can a mad man's cloth turn out to be a trendy fashion. These designers must have drawn

their initiative from mad people's cloth to construct this sociological disdainful wears. l really

sympathize with those that courageously wear these clothes and parade the streets cos they're

now glorified modern licensed mad people.

The climax of this drama is that our young ladies now wear rag and bone/jeans as well and you

will quite agree with me that they easily get distinction in anything involving abuse of self. As it

is popularly asserted, " Anything a man can do, a woman can do much better". l guess you can

now see "the much better" they can offer...lol..(no sentiment attached). Maybe it's high time

we started advocating for them to wear plain jean trousers which sociologically seems ideal

but, for the sake of sanctitude, it is morally wrong. 

l strongly wish to appeal to Stakeholders/investors and perhaps non governmental parastatal to

aid Federal government develop an agenda of mounting mirrors at street corners to help

people have a visual imagery of what they're putting on cos our society has fully unpacked the

inventories of unique dressing and now live in acquiesce with indecency.

Victor Ikwunagu

Disclaimer: All the images were sourced from google.