WEDDING BELLS: POST-GRADUATION SCENARIO
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
In a typical Nigerian home especially in the igbo community, there is this mentality about male children. For instance, in a family with two male children, one would likely hear comments like "Owu kwa otu mkpuru ka unu di ooo (it's only one son that I have ooo)" or "Onye nne ya na amughi ato aga gi ano na etiti (anybody the mother doesn't give birth to three children, doesn't stay in the middle)" from the ever loving mothers. However, in a family with just one male child it's a total melodrama from the parents, one would likely hear things like "Iwu otu mkpuru anya ji onye isi ugwo (the only eye that is owing the blind person)" and many other proverbs you wouldn't care less to understand.
Life in the first 23 years of individuals in the category mentioned above tends to be "get married" disturbance free, until after graduating from the university and one year service to dear old Nigeria then the "get married" syndrome hits. Then the typical life for someone who just has a brother or someone who doesn't even have at all is getting married, so you can start making babies already in order for the family legacy to be sustained and properties acquired to remain under the family custody. In a family with two male children, the pressure to marry is lessened on one after the other gets himself a wife, same cannot be said when its just one son in question, the pressure to get married never dies.
Word of advice, if you are an only son and the pressure is too much, just run away for a while *winks*. While the "get married" frenzy is still going on in the family, it's very funny that when you make up excuses like you haven't seen a woman, you probably won't even know that a woman has been arranged for you to get married to. One tend to notice that family friends now come along with their daughters whilst visitation, so the master minders would see if a choice would be made from a list of potential wives, and I presume that should be very funny right and most times the unsuspecting young and confused adult fall prey in the grand plan. Sometimes, I get to wonder why the igbos can't adapt the mentality of our Yoruba counterparts, cos I learnt most of them care less about properties unlike the Igbos. A friend once said if two igbo men are quarrelling it usually tends to be about a parcel of land.
When it is perceived that it is time for one to get married, members of the grand association of marriage advisers now set in with different segments of advise session, which usually starts with questions like, are you seeing someone? Is she a wife material? The advice session takes another dimension if you mistakenly say "I am not seeing anybody". Then they will start usually with "are you aware that you are supposed to marry someone you are older than", some people even go as far saying "make the age difference at least 11 years", some will say "make sure your parents are richer than the girl's parents", I can remember one acquaintance saying "I can't marry a woman from a richer home, so I'll have my respect", I just laugh out loud in my head and ask them why? , and after listening to their defence which revolves around respect, it sounded so clichè to me. I don't know why everybody is so bent on respect, when I have seen in this my long life, am sure some people are wondering how old is this guy, FYI, I was born in 1725, just do the math and continue reading, that even if one marries one who is 20 years younger inasmuch as the woman in question is with personality disorder, the husband would never be respected cos she fails to see him as a god (which he actually is), all my feminist people please don't chew me raw, but I am not of the school of thought that one should oppress a woman or violate her physically because she is loyal, even the second reason about being richer, to me it's still bullshit, cos one can marry a girl give her a complete makeover and still be treated like trash, in my own candid opinion when the poor marries a poor individual the poor continues being poorer and this trend is usually seen in some parts of igbo land, why can't we just aspire for something greater? I really don't know why they don't think and don't realise that when one marries from a mid class home or from one which is financially more bouyant, you have less dependent relatives. Oh shit! I forgot most people are just bent on the respect thingy.
Most of them even say, "marry someone who is younger so she doesn't get to age quickly or look older than yourself" and as usual I have a reason to counter what ever they say, maybe I should even attend a debate where the subject of debate is typical African marriage policies, cos I am damn sure I would win them. One of these days I was arguing with someone about marrying someone younger and aging, I asked the person "if you are broke, would your wife be looking young and rejuvenated?" cos I think hardship tells on both men and women physically. I guess I made a killer point that shut him up cos looking good and rejuvenated is a factor of the Benjamin. A similar situation is prevalent for only daughters, even though most times the fathers are not willing to let them go while the mothers are so eager to carry a grand child.
My opinion, when you find that person that makes your heart beat 3x faster, and you are satisfied she's every thing you want, just tie the goddamn knots cause I don't think this generation gets married because of love.
NB: Sorry guys I have been really MIA, Just trying to put my shit together, was trying to redesign the blog but I haven't been able to do so. But I hope to be stable soonest. This post has been published on Naijasinglegirl earlier this year sha.
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8 comments
well said
ReplyDeleteThanks Anonymous. Next time. Would be nice if you share your identity with us. Have a wonderful weekend
DeleteNice write up boo seriously you've taken this writing skills to another level and I love this new blog outlay.
ReplyDeleteThis "get married syndrome" no easy especially for we woman...I understand the society wishes you well dat's why the mount so much pressure but they forget that you need sometime to make up your mind cos marriage is as serious as eternity.
But....about your last paragraph, I agree this generation don't get married for love but don't you think that's the reason why our marriages don't last. I think love is an important ingredient for a lasting marriage or what do you think?
Thanks boo Thang. We just pushing it anyway. I really love your comment. The society really, someone asks you "are you seeing anybody" you say "no" they just look at you scornfully like. As old as you are, you don't know u are supposed to be married and you are not even dating. Smh. Have a nice weekend dear
DeleteLol @ "if you are broke, would your wife be looking young and rejuvenated?" You hit the nail on the head. While I am not Igbo, I am African so I can definitely relate.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tolu. My dear it's everywhere but the Lord will help us. Have a nice weekend
DeleteRather Interesting insights you shared on here Brother. I like that this post is not biased but open minded. Weldone King Ice.
ReplyDeleteP.S: I dare to say that I love the direction your posts are taken. More Grace. Cheers.
Dalu Nwanne. I just write as the spirit leads. Have a nice weekend
DeleteThank you for making out time to read my blog, Your comments are appreciated.